A Blessing From God~

I want to share this with everyone. God has blessed me with a new full time job. And i am really happy with this blessing! A couple of weeks ago, my dad lost his job, no one was hiring him because of his age. Everyone in my family was stressing about it. i was worried, stressed. All i was thinking, how am i going to get out of this? what do i do? where do i go? How do i solve this? Who do i go to for help? My mind was going back and forth to where i should go for help? I realized that no one could help me but God. i kept on think God i really need your help.~~~As these things raced back and forth in my mind, my body felt weak. The only thing i could think of is "God please help! I dont know what to do?"

THEN A WEEK AGO!

my mom went out, i forgot what for. and she bumpt into her friend who worked in a clinic for autistic children. And is looking for a therapist, they will provide training and good pay. So as conversation emerged into interest in her daughter (which is me) to join the company. My mom called and told me there is a job for me working with autistic children.

I was so happy when i heard this, no doubt i am a psychology major and want to get into that field. I remember jumpping up and down frantically and saying " Thank You God" repeatedly. I really felt really blessed. It is really true "God does really takes care of His children." Bless You God.! :)

Last Monday i sent my resume and went for the interview at the same day. Wow this is something i have never done before. (Sending a resume and interview on the same day. usually it was the interviewer calling and making a date for the interview.)

And now for the rest of the week i have been going with the other therapist and observing the way they do things, the way they relate to the children and how they teach him or her. and discipine them and evaluate their attitudes and behavior.

Next monday, i hope we will be signing contracts and what not. Because i told my moms friend that i am interested in the job. hey i get to be a therapist specializing in Autistic children and i am praying that i wont make any mistakes and do my job right.

i know i will take this job seriously because i want to work in psychology field. I know its going to be though but i am prepared......

yup yup/......ciao

Please Forgive Me....1

Life is too short to Battle with God! ~

thats my quote in 2007...

I have sinned

I am sorry

i listened to my flesh rather than listening to U.

Please forgive me

and

Help me sin no more!

Make me live a life pleasing to U....

In Jesus Name

Amen!

i had a dream last night..

my dream was about my dad. i was running away from him. we were in some sort of tunnel and i was running away. i felt like i didnt want to be near him or with him. i just want to run far far away from him..... what would God say about this dream? what would Freud, carl jung say about this dream?

CSM retreat testimonial

"Praise the LORD, i tell myself, with my whole heart.

I will praise His Holy Name,

Praise the LORD,

i tell myself, and never forget the good things He does for me.

He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.

He ransoms me from death and surrounds me with love and tener mercies.

~Psalm 103 1:4

before the retreat, i felt hopeless about everything in my life.

i dont know where my life is leading me!

'till friday came, went to lam tin to teach spoken english to my friends sister.

actually i was helping her prepare for her exam.

after teaching her i spent some time with my friend, Wilco.

He came back form Australia, he didnt want to come back but because his grandfather wanted him to come back that he had too.

he showed me pictures of the places he had been in Australia.

Interesting:)

during lunch, he told me about the life there and wanted to go back.

he didnt want to come back here.

and now i was making my way for the retreat at the Baptist University.

i went to where we were meant to take the bus.

Joanne was proud of me to be the first to be there.

hehehhehe

i really didnt know how i was going get throught the evening coz i was alone.

and my friend Tammy came up to me and i was like ..wow...

i was really excited to see her and be with her in csm.

we sat together in the bus ride, and ate together :)

However, she was busy talking on the phone

and

i went over to Joanne and talked with her.

for a moment i felt distant i dont know why?

5 minutes later i loosed up.

anyways, we arrived Baptist University.

we lined up to get our name tag

and made our way into the auditorium.

Eufemia said to me," I am so glad ur name is Eufemia too.."

and made me think of her who spoke well and good

and gave her life to God. Actually she was burned to death.

then i walked in and there greeters greeting out loud.

i felt Sandra kiss my cheek. and i kind of panicked.

i didnt know what to do; so i walked. i shouldnt have done that, i should have turned and kissed her back.

friday night, the talk was about the "Spirit of Rejection"

and it shed light to a whole new dilema

:P)

that i felt excited, flooded with joy.

Tammy was crying, her Spirit spoke to her :) exciting

God Bless Her.

i tried to cry, but i couldnt

no matter how hard i tried i just couldnt

:)))

i dont remember what time we got on the bus.

but i reached home at eleven something.

I woke up Saturday morning at 7:15. Actually i told my dad to wake me up.

my brother did. then i went back to sleep :P)

i was so tired

and then i dont know what happened

vvvom...

i got up.' trying to get my conscious back together.

aaahh..... i'm late.

So i called Joanne,

telling her i just got up.

she said in chinese, "quickly, quickly..."

and i told her i think i will go with tammy.

i quickly got onto the came and went to Admiraty

got on the MTR

and took the KCR to Tai Wai

and met up with tammy

Thank God, she was willing to wait for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~

we had our breakfast, and went in.

Pastor Chris talked about Abuse in 4 levels:

Physical, emotional (forgot the third one), pretty sure there was a 4th abuse which is spiritual

i went for the first three.

as i was listening to the whole sermon

i was crying heavily

i cried my heart out.

i couldnt stop.

i think part of the retreat that effected me most was my relationship with my mom and dad.

" when i was a toddler my mom sent me to stay with her sister in the philippines to go to preschool. when she left me there i felt alone.

'Coz my cousins were mean to me, and scared me in every why!

and i have felt alone. i was so used to being alone that i thought i didnt need anyone.

boy was i wrong.

At home, i didnt feel like a daughter.

my dad never said that he loves me.

my mom hits me whenever i did something wrong

or didnt do anything wrong.

(i could hear her nagging voice...)

'till recently i felt afraid of getting married or being a relationship with anyone,

i dont want to treat him the way my mother treated my dad, vis versa.

My best friend, Riz tells me that i have to talk with her...

i am afraid to open up to her becoz i dont want her or have any excuse to blame me for anything.

3 years ago, i remember her asking me what happened.

why i changed?

i told her about the person i was with and what he did to me.

and

she poured all the blame on me.

i didnt expected that

i thought a mother is for u rather than against u.

she would always tell me whats right and whats wrong

not to cause trouble

whatever i thought was wrong, it wasnt right

not to her standard at least

i could even remember ever since i was young she would nag and complain at me about my weight, putting curses on me. "Saying things like you will get sick if you dont do something about it." she didnt like the way i walk. she didnt like my lips because they are too big, and the shape of my teeth. its like that she didnt like anything about me.

as if i am an embarressment to her.

anyways i wouldnt give all the blame to my mom i have my faults too.

i would not listen to her, i would keep on eating.

i didnt realized what i was doing was taking revenge on her becoz i was angry of the way she talks to me and the tone of her voice.

i really didnt like it.

So anyways when the sermon was finished, we were going down to pray.

i wasnt in the talking mode.

i was really quiet...

i had to muster up all my strength to speak...

anyways i walked up to this lady

and wow she said i had beautiful hair.

i thought she was being modest.

(i dont know her name but she was tall, short brown hair )

then she asked what i wanted to pray for her.

i told her all three of the Abuse

i couldnt remember what she had prayed for me

oh wait i remember that i was crying out so loudly and was getting irritated

that she prayed for me to quiet my soul...

:)

and i did

but after she had prayed for me

she said she would have been proud to be my mother

and she said that i was beautiful.

when i heard that, that was it ...

i felt good

cant find any words to describe it....

and later i thought but she didnt even know me..

that was it for me

right now i dont care what my mother or father thinks of me becoz i have God,

God made me

and i know He is not ashamed of me....

and the other part of retreat that affected me was the Poverty sermon

when we were all going down to pray

i went up to this white guy

and he asked me what he wanted me to pray for

i didnt know

then he asked questions that was easy for me to answer.

my finances..

he said he noticed that i put my had in my pocket

and he anointed me with olive oil...

and prayed a blessing to me.

i am so greatful to have gone and be apart of cleansing stream

thinking i should be apart of it to serve God

need to pray about it..

:)

ciao...

back to Uni

Finally, uni starts tomorrow. i am excited yet scared. dont know what to expect and plus with the job in the evening, gonna be late for classes. So many things to do, yet dont know where to start - books to buy, lots of reading, fasting, losing weight, classes to assemble in the centre, book to write, degree to finish.

anyways, i need to keep walking in God, need to stand strong in my faith.

i have been thinking of finding myself, knowing who i am;

i dont know where to begin.

definately need to stay away from thats keeping me away from God.

Heres a list:-

1. Tv - watching too much tv and we christians know tv series show
2. stay away from friends who are not christians.....dont want to get confused with biblical teachings. Man, thats gonna be hard with uni starting.........God help me.

ciao

torture

excruciating pain is what i have been going through these past few weeks, my thoughts haunt me. when i close my eyes i see light and darkess. terrified. i dont have anyone who i can share this with but God. and yet day after day i keep fighting, tired and fustrated! my weakness is greater than my strength....

how am i to fight?

my tools are with me!

i guess it depends on how i use them!

yesterday, as i was walking to the bus-stop, i was deep in my thoughts.

i have found freedom.

i found it for a brief moment, 'till i lid a Cigarette

course i am upset, but happy to know what when i quit smoking that i will have my freedom back again.

Me and my insecurities

tell me what am i suppose to do? i am so insecure. i'm insecure about everything that's around me.

after what i have been through two weeks ago,

i have been wanting to search myself,

but i dont know how;

i dont know where to start.

i cant start a conversation,

i dont know what to say.

tell me what is there to talk about.

coz' i dont

i dont know what to say to people who has experienced alot in this world

i havent been to alot of countries.

so i seriously dont know which country has the hottest roller coaster ride.

i dont have much......to talk !

its because of this fear,

the fear of rejection.

or have i been so used to this isolation that i am afraid to walk out...

if only u'd know how much i want to learn how to fly,

how i long to fly,

but i ve gotten so hooked on to my fears,

that my wings never seem to mend.

i feel so alone and isolated

who should i blame?

tell me, coz i dont know

should i be blaming anyone?

I dont know how to socialize.

i dont know how to have a good time.

and when i realize that i have to commit to something i panick and make my escape.

How do i stop this?

how do i stop running and stay?

just stay?